Embracing our imperfections

How to be seen for who you truly are

Having been in rehab three times and two short-lived marriages, Drew Barrymore isn’t about to dwell on the turbulent times in her life. "The low points I had all helped make up my character,” she muses, “so I probably wouldn't want to do away with them because I like being flawed and I like having them help me grow and change and become better and stronger."

While many of us choose to wear a mask to hide our fears and imperfections, Drew has not only embraced her flaws, but attributes them to shaping who she is today. How can we learn from her inspiring example? Let’s start by looking at an old Japanese tradition.

A Centuries-Old Art

Drew’s story is reminiscent of Kintsugi, the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold. The Kintsugi philosophy builds on the idea that when you embrace flaws and imperfections, you create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. Kintsugi values an object's beauty, as well as its imperfections, focusing on them equally as something to celebrate, not disguise.

When I discovered Kintsugi, I was blown away by its magnificence. My eyes fixated on the intricate bands of gold running through these works of art, later realizing they were not part of the artist’s original design. They were mended cracks and breaks. These exquisite bands of gold which highlighted, not hid, these alluring blemishes are what made them so precious.

Using Kintsugi as a metaphor for healing ourselves offers an important lesson: The process of repairing things that have broken can actually create something more unique, beautiful and resilient. As pottery becomes more stunning and inherently stronger through Kintsugi, you shine brighter when you are seen for who you truly are, imperfections and all.

Gaps as meaningful as gold

The lessons of Kintsugi bring to mind a nostalgic memory. When my daughter was young, I bought her a little porcelain cow at an antique store. It instantly became one of her favorites. Just as quickly, it ended up in pieces. I don’t know what pleases me more, working together to mend the cow, or that when I look at it now, I’m reminded of how she kept it, when others would have simply thrown it away.

Though our craftmanship was unmatched, there were a few gaps from missing shards. Seeing them, I appreciate my daughter’s love and acceptance for something that isn't perfect. Had we known about Kintsugi, that loveable cow would be adorned with veins of gold glitter. Though not mended with precious metal, those cracks are equally beautiful, now representing our bond.

Be it gold running through a cracked chawan (Japanese tea bowl), or an endearing gap in a second-hand, porcelain cow, it holds a uniquely personal story for the craftsman as well as the one who holds it dear.

Celebrating the beauty in our scars

So, how do we embrace our flaws and imperfections as we do with the beauty of mended pottery? Lebanese-American writer, Kahlil Gibran, offers some powerful words:

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

Take a moment to recognize the depths of your own scars and acknowledge your strength, not despite the roots of your scars, but because of them. Your character, forged by your life experience, hardships and all, make you distinct from all others. Embrace your distinctiveness, along with your scars.

To help you find strength in your flaws, try flipping it. I remember as a kid being embarrassed when people would ask why I was so quiet and shy. My Mom was masterful at flipping that for me, convincing me that I was an amazing listener and observer. What you consider your downfall, might actually be an asset. Thanks Mom.

Using your individuality to connect with others is another valuable tool. Your flaws may make you different from everybody else, but that’s a good thing. Do you remember the scene in Jaws where Quint, the grizzled, seasoned shark hunter, and Hooper, the young oceanographer fascinated by sharks, compare scars? As they exchange the stories behind their scars, including Moray eels, Thresher sharks, even Mary Ellen Moffit, who broke Hooper’s heart, their eyes and their bravado ooze with pride.

Revealing your trials with the same spirit as Quint and Hooper is a great way to own what makes you distinctively you. The hilarious game of one-upmanship was apparent in their banter, but also present, was a feeling of comradery and connection. Use that sense of connection as a motivator, as you begin to slowly unwrap aspects of yourself you had long been hiding.

In the season premiere of her new talk show, Barrymore sits on top of her car, overlooking the barbed-wire fence of the institution she was forced to enter as a young teenager. “I will never lose sight of this part of my story,” she says, looking back with honor and humor.

Take a page from Drew and the profound philosophy of Kintsugi: Embrace your imperfections and never lose sight of who you truly are because of them. And from Quint and Hooper, take comfort in knowing that we’re all in this big boat together.